watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
