woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
