I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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