If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
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I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers