I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
