Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
