I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is it because I queefed?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.