If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
