remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
