Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
