u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
