I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
