You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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