omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
