It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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