Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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