Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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