It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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