I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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