She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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