What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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