Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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