Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
