Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
