we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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