I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
