i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
