So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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