everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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