It's Friday. Sex?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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