Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
is it fun? or sober?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
