Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Come see our sink grown plant.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
