You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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