i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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