I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
