And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
