I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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