my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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