I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
