I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
