Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Found the puke drawer
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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