I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
