Sry I called you an 8
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
