Don't you send me to vm
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
