My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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