should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
