Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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