All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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