It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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