You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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