She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
