yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
