sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
