in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
