i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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