He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
