What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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