maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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