She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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